My boyfriend and I have only been having sex for a few months now. We are both 19. Sometimes he has trouble getting an erection and once he has one he loses it very easily. Isn't he too young for this? It's really aggravating and troubling to him. I hope you can help me!

I am not going to hassle you about your age, it is something however that needs to be addressed. Nineteen is young to begin being sexual. Typically what you describe is not physically caused. However, I would urge him to see a medical doctor if only to rule out any possible physical causes. Once this is ruled out, anxiety will need to be addressed. The most common cause of erectile dysfunction (what you describe) is anxiety. What you can do to help is to remove all/any expectations that you may have or may be communicating to him about his "performance." You both will need to focus on pleasure, which does not have to include intercourse. Focus on communicating what each of you mean to the other through actions as well as words. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

It would be unusual for a man of his age to have a medical cause to his ED, but it should be ruled out by his physician. A good indication of this would be the presence or absence of nocturnal or morning erections. Cialis or Viagra could possibly provide a quick fix but your best bet would be a complete evaluation from a certified Sex Therapist (www.aasect.org or one of the therapists listed on this site). Since he has his whole adulthood ahead of him, it would be worth the investment to determine exactly what is going on and provide a through fix rather than a pharmaceutical band-aid. - Answer provided by Ron Feintech, Phd, Sex Therapy Diplomate, AASECT, rfeintech@conversent.net.

It is unusual for a 19 year-old male to have difficulty with erections. My first recommendation is that he see a doctor, preferably a urologist who specializes in sexual medicine. Many common illnesses such as heart problems, diabetes, hypertension, and even stress can interfere with erectile functioning. A sexual medicine specialist can run specific tests to rule out any physical problems that are complicating sexual expression. If your boyfriend has a clean bill of health, then I would recommend seeing a sex therapist. A sex therapist will work with your boyfriend and with the two of you as a couple to try and find the root of his erectile balking. The best thing that you can do is be supportive and try not to put much emphasis on penetrative intercourse for now. There are many ways to make love and few involve the use of an erect penis. - Answer provided by Cay Crow, M.A., LPC, askcay@yahoo.com.

The problem your boyfriend is having is not uncommon for many men. His erection difficulties are most likely the result of performance anxiety. He is putting pressure on himself to have an erection in order to engage in intercourse. When he is unable to get an erection or loses his erection quickly, he gets caught in the vicious cycle of anxiety and fear of failure. My recommendation would be to take the emphasis off of intercourse and focus more on mutual pleasure through the use of masturbation and/or manual and oral stimulation.
- Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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