I'm a 19 year old male. Whenever I masturbate, it seems I can do it for 20 - 30 minutes. But when I have sex with my girlfriend, I can't last more than 5 minutes. Can you give me some tips on how I can last longer when I have sex with my girlfriend?

As you have learned, masturbating is quite different from intercourse in terms of sensation and excitement level. The fact that you can last 20 to 30 minutes while masturbating means you have rather good control. However, you need to transfer that skill to having sex with your girlfriend. You need to slow things down with her and learn to be aware of your point of no return. The point of no return is when there is no way you could stop yourself from coming. As you become aware of this you can then take breaks when you feel yourself getting to that point which will gradually lead you to greater and greater control. Be sure to talk to your girlfriend about your wish to prolong intercourse and enlist her help in the process. - Answer provided by Alan L. Marcus, Ph.D., AASECT Certified, drmarcus@tmail.com, www.gpatherapy.com.

This is not an uncommon problem. When we are with another person a lot of anxiety is attached and the result is less "control". Therefore one thing that needs to happen is that you need to lower your anxiety. This can be done by paying attention to your breathing. This activity tends to lead to more relaxation in a lot of people. What a lot of guys attempt to do is to distract themselves, in other words they try to not pay attention to what is really happening at that moment. This is the worst thing that one can do. It is important that you stay "connected" to the sexual activity and to your partner. One thing that tends to help a lot of guys is called the "start and stop" technique. In this technique you begin sexual activity as usual. After a few minutes or as your arousal increases you stop thrusting. You stay connected to you partner and as your arousal declines you begin again. As your arousal increases again, again you stop thrusting. With this you are training your body to respond differently and you gain control while not losing the emotion of the moment. Good Luck! - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

Many men experience the same issues you are having. The common term is called premature ejaculation or rapid ejaculation. This can be due to performance anxiety and/or that the sensation you have during masturbation is different than during intercourse. You need to be able to better distinguish the point of no return (ejaculatory inevitability). When you masturbate, stop stimulation just before you are about to have an orgasm. Do this three times and then ejaculate. This will give you better control of your orgasms. In addition, take the focus off of intercourse. Oral and manual stimulation on a woman is much more likely to produce and orgasm than intercourse. Relax and have fun! - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

In masturbation the focus is on ejaculation through fantasy and controlled hand-movement. In sexual intercourse the focus should be on love-making. There is a lot more going on in love-making and a lot more stimulation. All of the senses are involved. Hence, in sexual intercourse you have a lot less control than you have during masturbation. Focus more on making love with your girl friend with less emphasis on intercourse and ejaculation. Slow down the activity and do not thrust as much. Masturbation is all about thrust-like movement. This not the case with intercourse. When you do have intercourse, relax your body and slow down your movements. Take your time paying attention to all of the sensations so that you can gain more information about when you are about to ejaculate and then pause. With practice and relaxation, you should be able to gain more control. - Answer provided by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach, www.docdreyfus.com, ead@docdreyfus.com

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