I am a happily married 44-year old mother of 3. For the past few years I've been having thoughts of having sex with another woman. Does this mean I am bisexual?

No, it doesn't necessarily mean you are bisexual. Alfred Kinsey, the great sex researcher of the 1940's and 50's taught us that our sexual orientation is on a scale. No person is one pure sexual orientation. We are all on a sliding scale as it were. At different times in our journey through life, different aspects of our own sexuality emerge, seeking fulfillment. Thoughts and fantasies of sex with persons of one's own gender are normal and healthy, and are stronger at some times of our lives over other times. Depending on your value system and on the strength, openness and honesty in your marriage, you may want to talk with your spouse about your feelings. Including your husband in your thinking and inviting him to discuss this with you, will help him to feel part of the journey and not pushed aside in favor of a woman taking his place. Many women who have felt this way have worked with their spouses to find a woman who is willing to help fulfill those fantasies and it has strengthened the marriage. - Answer provided by David McKenzie, Ph.D., mckenziedr@telus.net, www.goodsexforlife.com.

Take heart, you are ahead of the game. You asked yourself if you are bisexual and challenged your definition of yourself. Most people do not knowingly choose their sexuality. They find their sexual preferences by examining their feelings and experiences. There is no easy way to determine if you are bisexual. There are no scientific tests or stereotypes that determine your sexuality.

With the recently released movie Kinsey, people are revisiting his remarkable work and discovering what he discovered, namely that human sexuality, preferences and practices are not reduced down to “this or that”, but exists in a range from predominantly heterosexual to predominantly homosexual with bisexuality existing as a legitimate choice for many.

You could ask yourself several questions about your sexuality and sexual preferences. Do you prefer sex with a man, a woman, or either equally? Are you physically attracted to a man, a woman, or both? Do you prefer to feel an emotional bond with a man, a woman, or both? Would you prefer intimate relationships regardless of gender?

Most define being bisexual as having a strong bond or sexual attraction to another man and or another woman. This attraction is usually not just a fantasy about a sexual adventure. It is a recurring thought intruding into your daily awareness. Others define it as a pleasurable lifestyle which includes sexual attractions, behaviors and interactions regardless of the others gender.

In short you do not have to decide to be one way or the other. There is only one of you. All you really have to decide is to be the best you can be! - Answer provided by Greg McGreer, LCSW, Ph.D., mcgreer@comcast.net.

To read more Q & A's or to ask a sex therapist a question, click here.