I am a 24 year old female and have been married to my husband almost 4 years. We have a healthy sex life, but in 5 years worth of sex I have only had 2-3 orgasms. He is very concerned about making sure it's good for me but I don't know what to tell him. I do masturbate and reach climax in 2-3 minutes but with him I just can't. Please help. This is turning into a problem. I think he is starting to feel inadequate.

You are on your way to sexual gridlock. The fact that he seems to really need you to be orgasmic and the fact that he is feeling inadequate because you are not suggests very strongly that there are some issues on his side that he needs to look at. If he is measuring his worth as a man against the yardstick of your orgasms, he is seeking
validation of his worth from your sexuality. He needs to self validate his virility instead of attempting to gain that validation from you. Sexuality was never meant to bear the burden of our self esteem. To the extent that he is approaching you as a little boy, saying "make me feel good about myself" instead of as a solid man saying. I feel good about my self, let's go!", is the extent that you are going to feel pressured and less than turned on. The other piece of this is that many, many women do not experience orgasm
from vaginal intercourse alone. If you can combine clitoral stimulation with intercourse, it might help, but this wouldn't address the issue outlined above.

Some self help resources:

• CD set: Secrets of a Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Phd.
• The book: Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, PhD;
• The book: The Way of the Superior Man by David Dieda. Check www.soundstrue.com for the CD set and Deida.

Should you desire professional help, your best bet would be to find a sex
therapist who has trained with Dr. Schnarch. You can get a list from www.passionatemarriage.com. - Answer provided by Ron Feintech, Phd, Sex Therapy Diplomate, AASECT, rfeintech@conversent.net.

First, the good news is that the sex is good despite the fact that you are not having an orgasm with him. The problem might be that you are trying too hard. To have an orgasm, as you know, requires one to be relaxed and into the sensations and feelings occurring in your body. Then, you have to "let go" and allow the feelings to wash over you. Are you able to do this with your partner? If not, I suggest looking at the book called Becoming Orgasmic. Look specifically at chapters 9 and 10. These chapters talk about mutual pleasuring and sharing and should help you become orgasmic with your partner. One thing I did not mention, I don't know what the 2 of you are doing to help you reach orgasm. Most woman cannot orgasm through intercourse. Most woman require some form of direct stimulation to the clitoris. - Answer provided by Alan L. Marcus, Ph.D., AASECT Certified, drmarcus@tmail.com, www.gpatherapy.com.

You may wish to check out these products.
 

Becoming Orgasmic This powerful video uses detailed demonstrations to help women learn to achieve orgasm.

Becoming Orgasmic Outlines a program to help women learn to achieve orgasm.

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