I have no sexual desire. Nothing that my husband says or does excites me or even makes me interested. There was a point in my life when sex was everything. Now I could care less. I am concerned that it will interfere with my marriage. I don't even have a desire to cuddle or kiss my husband. Is there something wrong with me? I have a 15 month old daughter and I lost twins during my first trimester about a year before I conceived my daughter. Does this have an effect on my behavior? What can I do to change things? Please help.

Loss of sexual desire is a major problem in ones life. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. This is a complicated issue that I am not sure can be addressed in this forum. I will say this, having a child significantly changes a person's relation to sexual arousal and desire. This is often true for both the woman and the man. For the woman their attention is elsewhere, to the child. They are often quite tired, worn out and distracted. Given this, is there any wonder that she finds herself unable to focus on sexuality. For the man, the woman has become Mom. Often making love to her is like making love to Mom. Often the effect of this is lack of sexual desire. So now what? What do you do about this? I think that first of all you need to talk with you husband and tell him what is really going on with you. In this discussion you need to let him know that you desire change and are willing to work with him for this to happen. Also I can only assume that your loss is still a part of you life and needs to be addressed professionally. Losing babies, even during pregnancy, is very traumatic and leads to a lot of grief. This grief needs to be acknowledged and addressed. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

There are a number of possible reasons for your low desire. It would be well to rule out a hormonal or endocrine problem, particularly low levels of free testosterone. Depression can diminish desire and it would be well to rule that out as well. There may also be a relational component. As a sex therapist, I would want to take a sexual history as well as ask you and your husband a lot of questions about what happens when you are sexual with each other. A very common cause of sexual gridlock is that sex has become mechanical or scripted or routine and, frankly, not worth having. David Schnarch, Phd has a wonderful two volume CD set entitled Secrets of a Passionate Marriage, available at www.soundstrue.com. Your best bet would be to seek a consultation with a board certified sex therapist. Look for one at www.aasect.org or this web site. Your marriage is worth it. Good luck. - Answer provided by Ron Feintech, Phd, Sex Therapy Diplomate, AASECT, rfeintech@conversent.net.

Oh sweet one, what has happened to you is not unusual. You have suffered a huge traumatic and emotional loss in your life. Losing a child or children before birth can affect you and can cause a shut-down of your sexual centers. This is your body and your spirit’s attempt to protect you from further hurt. If you can find a sensual healer in your area, someone who is familiar with Taoist massage or Tantra techniques (and in your case I would recommend a woman,) you would benefit greatly from one or two sessions. There is nothing wrong with you, your heart is broken and your body is in protective mode. - Answer provided by EveLynn Maurine, CSB, info@sacred-haven.org, www.sacred-haven.org, www.awakeningbody.com.

Losing twins and then having a 15 month old could have something to do with a drop in your estrogen level but normally that would have reversed itself by now. That wouldn't change your libido anyway, but it could account for some mood swings or dryness of your vagina producing possible pain with intercourse. You don't give your age but it appears you may be in your 20's or 30's. Estrogen is not the hormone of desire, testosterone is. You may want to have your Gynecologist run your Testosterone level although you seem young to have that be falling dramatically yet. Normal Testosterone is 0.8-3.2 nanograms per milliliter so if yours is on the low side I'd ask the doctor to give you a prescription for a small dose of Testosterone in a gel form that can be rubbed into your thigh or vulva daily. Since this type of Testosterone isn't made by regular pharmacies, it will have to be compounded by a special type of pharmacy called a Compounding Pharmacy. To find one in your area you can contact the International Assn. of Compounding Pharmacies at 1-800-927-4227. Good Luck! - Answer provided by Dr. Shay Roop, RN, LMHC, Ed.D, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Board Certified by the American Board of Sexology, shay@drshay.org, www.drshay.org.

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