I've been married for almost 3 years now. My husband and I rarely have any sex. When I try to initiate intimacy he always finds a way to turn me down. Either he's tired, his back hurts, or he says he doesn't feel comfortable being naked because he hates how he looks. I have never taken a shower with him. I want to have a sexual partner and not just a roommate. I have wondered if he's gay. I have asked him and he says no. He blames it on my work schedule, but I think this is an excuse. We both have Sundays off -- if he really wanted to initiate intimacy. Is this normal? What can I do?

Desire discrepancies are one of the most common issues couples experience. Open communication outside of the bedroom is the key. You and your husband need to express your wants, desires and needs. The pressure for intercourse needs to be reduced. It is important for you both to reconnect with each other. It is sometimes difficult for couples to communicate their wants and desires, especially if they are unusual. He may be afraid of expressing his wants for fear of rejection. Be open and encourage him to share how he really feels. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

Yes, it’s true, men often have repressed sexual desires. Just like women who have been abused or are suffering from depression or feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness, men present with many sexual challenges compounded by emotional trauma. Your man is not gay; he is feeling undesirable. You guys need to get some counseling. Perhaps it’s his diet (too much hormones in his meat or eggs?) Perhaps he has a hormone imbalance. Is he on anti-depressant? Is he overweight, does he smoke or drink to excess? There are lots of reasons that have nothing to do with you. However, you deserve a lover and a friend who adores you and wants to make love to you. So be firm, insist that he get counseling, see a doctor or agrees to some Sacred Sexuality coaching. Your sexual energy is your life force; it’s your fountain of youth. You need to acknowledge and utilize it to be healthy. Don’t whine and cry and boo hoo because he isn’t turned on by you. He is – he just is suffering from something. Be firm; don’t nag. Tell him you want to help him. Good luck to you both. - Answer provided by EveLynn Maurine, CSB, info@sacred-haven.org, www.sacred-haven.org, www.awakeningbody.com.

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