I am a single woman just over 50 and have been seeing a new guy now for a few months. The problem is I cannot climax with him. He really tries, but I tell him I don't know what he can do to please me. I feel so bad. My question is what can I do to help this problem? I heard I can buy a bottle of liquid to help me but I don't know what it is called. Something like "Orgasm in a bottle". Any suggestions?

There are several "products" that are available that claim to help. I believe that the answer is in the two of you and not in a product. It is about communication. He deserves to know what is working and what is not. One thing that you need to look at - "Can I have an orgasm when I am alone?" The answer here can help you a lot in helping him. If the answer is "No, I cannot", then you need to see a medical doctor to see if there is anything physically going on. If the answer is yes, then teach him what you do with yourself when you are alone. The answer is there, just pay attention to it. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

The key to orgasm for most women is clitoral stimulation. The majority of women are not going be able to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. They need to have clitoral stimulation. There are a few things you can try. I suggest you engage in manual and/or oral stimulation. If that doesn’t work, another thing you can try is for you to manually stimulate yourself. You know what feels good, where to touch and how to touch. I also suggest for you to be on top. Many women report an increased ability to have orgasm when they are on top. Lastly, you could use a vibrator. The vibrator is designed to produce orgasm. Use a vibrator that focuses on clitoral stimulation and not penetration. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

I assume you're saying you don't orgasm during vagina-penis sex. Most women don't orgasm from penile stimulation alone, because the clitoris does not receive enough stimulation. Yet, many of us feel guilty/wrong/defective if we can't orgasm this way. Products that purport to "give" you an orgasm play on these emotions and are generally not helpful. Here are two steps for you: 1) You must know your own body before you can communicate your needs to a partner. This involves self-pleasuring. Explore what feels good. A very helpful and fun book for this process is "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach. It's widely available, written by a sexologist and easy to understand. It has helped thousands of women. 2) Once you're comfortable with your own body and understand how you orgasm, you can begin to show your partner. Do this in a playful, non-demanding way. Enjoy! - Answer provided by Janice M. Epp, Ph.D., DrJanice@iashs.edu, www.sexhelp.org/cafol/epp.htm.

To read more Q & A's or to ask a sex therapist a question, click here.