I'm only doing this because my fiancé is wanting me to and because I want to know what's wrong with me. Basically, the only time we have ever had sex is when I am intoxicated. I have never had sex with him when I was sober simply because I don't know how to relax. I tense up and I can't do it. Is that normal? I really want to, but for whatever reason, I freak out.

It may not be "normal" but it is very common. As you present this story it appears that anxiety is a central issue. I would urge anyone in the situation that you present to address anxiety. You will need to find a way to relax without alcohol. I would suggest relaxation exercises, meditation, physical exercise and watching what you eat. Time of day is also an important issue for many. With the help of a professional you might also want to look at childhood issues. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

It is not unusual for some women to feel tense about sex. When we are intoxicated, our inhibitions are lowered and we are apt to do things we wouldn’t normally do. I suggest you explore your true feelings about sex. What do you believe about sex? Are you afraid of anything? Have you experienced sexual abuse in the past? It would be beneficial for you to go and talk to a professional about this. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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