I am a 29 year old male and I have had sex before, but with my current girlfriend I cannot seem to be able to do it. She is a virgin and we have tried a few times but I can't seem to be able to enter her. Could you please help us?

It is difficult in what you present to really know what the problem is. I do not know, for example, if you are having trouble getting and maintaining an erection, if her vagina is "too tight", or if something else is getting in the way. Given this I am not sure how to be helpful. I hear clearly that what is going on is very frustrating and needs to be attended to. One thing that you may need to attend to is anxiety. It is very common to be quite anxious especially at initial intercourse. Take time, allow both of you to relax and simply enjoy each other. If intercourse happens great, if not, at least you have good and quality time together.
 - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

From your question it appears that you believe that your girlfriend, being a virgin, has something to do with this issue. I am assuming here that you are "unable to enter her" because your partner's vagina is not expanding enough to allow your erect penis to begin intercourse. Could it be that she is anxious about having intercourse? Or perhaps that she is not ready for such a big step in her life at the present time? I would have a serious, honest, and non-judgmental discussion with your partner to see how she really feels about making love. If see feels that she would like to wait a while longer, you must respect her decision. Feeling pressured into having intercourse is something which will make the experience unpleasant, to say the least, for both partners. If your partner sincerely wishes to have intercourse with you, but is not lubricating adequately for introitus (penis entering vagina), you could try external lubricants like K-Y Jelly (found in every drugstore). Placing some K-Y around her vaginal opening (and a little inside, if possible) and then some on your penis may facilitate initial entry. If, however, your partner's vagina is closed shut and is "convulsing", so to speak, with attempted introitus, she may be experiencing a condition known as "vaginismus". The psychological cause here stems from anxiety or fear of something (getting pregnant, premarital sex, sexually transmitted diseases, to list a few). There are behavioral exercises to reduce and eliminate these symptoms, but I recommend you first find a couples therapist to fully explore your partner's unconscious resistances. You can help her through your unconditional love and support. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com.

The largest and strongest barrier to vaginal penetration is likely a woman's pelvic muscles. In addition, the vagina itself can resist and even prevent penetration because of its muscular structure. In order for anything to enter into the vagina it must stretch and dilate both the pelvic and vaginal muscles. I suggest you and your girlfriend exercise her pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. This is the muscle a person constricts when they stop the flow of urine from their body, and a woman uses while doing Kegel exercises to strengthen her pelvic muscles. Start with a smaller object like a pinkie finger and work your way up. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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