New relationship. Met a 45 year old man who was never "trained" to please a woman and has no clue what's down there. I feel he's worth the effort. What should I do to help him along? Where do I start?

You start with talking. Be open and honest with him. He may need books and or tapes to help him "get" what you are talking about. I would urge you to show him. Do not be shy. Show him what pleases you so that he can learn to do the same things that you demonstrate.
- Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

There are several possible options. Buy a copy of "The Joy of Sex" by Alex Comfort. Read it and lightly mark behaviors that may be of interest to you with a colored pencil. Ask your partner to do the same with a different colored pencil. Then read through the marked areas together and play! An inventory is another approach. One piece of paper for each of you, two columns, one marked positive, one marked negative. List specific behaviors that you would like more of and specific behaviors that you would like less of. Then compare notes. Another option - flip a coin or play a hand of rummy to decide a "winner". The winner gets to be director of your own personal x-rated movie. No film, just act out the part. Another option is being assertive in sex play. Try "You know what I'd really like for you to do". Take his hand, show him where you want to be touched and how. You might want to try letting him watch you pleasure yourself. It may be helpful if you can schedule an evening for gourmet. Nothing else planned, no interruptions, just relaxation and play. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

Communication is the key. I suggest you discuss with him what feels good to you. Show him how to touch you. Have him watch you masturbate. Encourage him to engage in manual or oral stimulation and tell him what feels good to you. You may want to purchase the book “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner and read the book together. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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