My husband and I just got married and he is the first person for me to have sex with. He has had sex with nearly a dozen women before me, so I did not expect his performance to be a problem. The first time was just fine, but ever since then, after a minute or two into intercourse he becomes limp. He says that aside from one night stands or sexual relationships that lacked commitment, this has been a problem for him. I really doubt that our marital commitment is what's keeping him down (we have a wonderful marriage and he is more than willing to talk this out and keep trying until we figure it out. Besides, we're still honeymooners)--why do you think my husband cannot maintain an erection with me? He maintains an erection if I am giving him oral sex and I never have a problem arousing him--why is that intercourse causes him to lose an erection? Do you have any advice? I hope I have given you enough information to answer my question.

Performance anxiety is most likely the operant issue here. During oral stimulation the intensity of stimuli is intense and there are no expectations for his performance. He can just relax and enjoy himself, without having to focus on your needs. One alternative would be "my turn/your turn" lovemaking. Both of you focus on your orgasm with oral or manual stimulation, and then it's his turn for the same. This may relieve some of the "pressure" of his feeling that he has to perform. Try talking softly through his loss of an erection and gently stimulate him until it returns. Stay in touch with us or a qualified sex therapist in your area. I would also suggest a check-up with his MD, maybe even a urologist. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

Your husband is not alone. One of the most common issues men have is maintaining an erection during intercourse. There are many reasons this could be happening. He could be experiencing stress or anxiety due to the fact he may have unrealistic sexual expectations. He may be caught in a vicious circle of doubt and failure which reinforces the erection problems. In addition, the use of drugs and other substances can interfere with maintaining an erection. I suggest you both communicate about this issue. It would be beneficial to go see a trained professional to help with this problem. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

To read more Q & A's or to ask a sex therapist a question, click here.