It started about 10 years ago. I feel awful for not feeling bad about my behavior. I am lust with a friend's husband. As we all grew up together our feelings for each other grew stronger. Yes, we have been together sexually, not recently. We went 4 years with not seeing each other except for once or twice. Two years ago he and his wife came to visit and the feelings between us are almost uncontrollable. We both have families that mean the world to us, but we dream of being together. We talk for hours, we sneak in a kiss or two when we can. We will stay up all night just to be alone. We will meet in the middle of the night after our spouses go to bed. We talk and talk about us, the future, our families, cars, everything. I try so hard to let this bother me since I am married, but it doesn't. What is wrong with me? I should feel guilt for the way I behave, and I don't. I dream about him and he dreams about me. My sex life with my husband is good. Why do I seek to be with this other guy? When we are together we try hard to be alone. Most of the time we succeed and we talk and touch each other. In a crowd we purposely bump into each other and share those looks, flirting -- we do that a lot. I don't want to get caught or start a war between anyone. I just want the strength to say No More, and I can't. I have such deep feelings for him I can't control myself. What should I do?? I can't just never see them again. We grew up together since 6th grade. I was there when they got married. They were with me when I got married. We were together when all 5 kids between the two of us were born. Any suggestions?

Yes, if you value your relationship with your husband and your family, avoid contact with this person. You have chosen to flirt with disaster. This person is like cocaine for you. It sounds as if you have done a good job of rationalizing this into an OK situation for you. If you are unwilling to avoid contact, at least make sure that the opportunity for being alone is impossible. No physical contact and no more flirting. You may want to try treating your husband as your lover. Hopefully he will respond as such. If not, seek counseling. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

You are in a difficult place. Whenever you are unfaithful either emotionally or physically, it can cause issues in your relationship. If you really don’t want to be a part of this deception anymore, you need to remove yourself from the temptation. You need to not see him anymore. If you are unwilling to do this or feel it is impossible for you I suggest you talk to your spouse about becoming swingers with your friends. If you have known both partners for a long time, you may be able to incorporate your fantasies with your friend into your relationship. You would need to set ground rules and make sure your partner is honored and valued and agree to never do anything that he is not ok with. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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