I'm a 20 year old guy and in a full sexual relationship with my girlfriend of a similar age. I regularly find it difficult to last very long (not too short) but the sex seems too good to last that long for me. I have been in relationships before where I have lasted up to hours having intercourse but it's a different story now. I love my girlfriend and would like nothing better than to give her the best pleasure she can get. I try stop-and-go lovemaking but sometimes grudge it as when I start to increase speed and length in time she enjoys it more but I end up having to stop, or orgasm. Then either way she is not having the orgasm, which is all I want. Also sometimes when I stop for a while (stop-and-go lovemaking) I sometimes lose my erection. This is becoming a big problem for me as I know I've been able to last longer before and all I want is to give my girlfriend an orgasm, through intercourse as I know if I lasted longer she would. I know it would be easier to pleasure her in other ways, but we both want it to be especially through intercourse as well. Please help me overcome this problem and give me any advice that could benefit the situation as it makes me feel very low and a failure at times. How can I solve this and eventually make her orgasm through intercourse without having to stop-and-go or without reaching orgasm myself too soon?

To answer your question, lasting longer during intercourse may not be the best way to have your girlfriend orgasm. The majority of women are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. They need to have clitoral stimulation. Your time would be better spent focused on manual or oral stimulation. Concentrate on her first. Let her have an orgasm and then proceed to intercourse. You will both be much more satisfied and fulfilled. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

You neglected to say if your girlfriend has ever had an orgasm through intercourse (with you or any other partner). If she has had orgasm by way of intercourse in the past, but is presently experiencing difficulty climaxing in a similar way with you, perhaps you need to openly discuss your relationship (sexual and other issues) with her. A woman needs to be in a safe, intimate "space" for her to achieve orgasm. If, on the other hand, she has never had an orgasm through intercourse, she and you should take solace in the statistical fact that only one-third of all women ever climax through intercourse. If you are adamant about having your girlfriend achieve orgasm while you are penetrating her, ask her to simultaneously masturbate herself. Keep in mind that it is not your "job" to give her an orgasm, and that her not climaxing is not your failure. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com.

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