My girl friend and I have seen each other for about 4 years now. She started to express some pain when we're having intercourse since about a year ago. As far as I understand, I think it's pain coming from the stretching of her vagina due to my penis. We don't have sex very often. She says that nothing else is out of ordinary except considerable pain before and during. It is possible for me to ejaculate, but she says that it's very difficult to bear the pain. It's a little better for some positions and worse for others. She says that the doggie style really hurts her. We use condoms all the time nowadays. I hope there's something you can comment about this ordeal. Thank you very much.

It sounds as if it's hurting you too, when you refer to sex as an ordeal. Your partner needs to visit with her OB-GYN now. Make the appointment today. Do not put this off. Painful intercourse should be cleared with an MD immediately to make sure that there are no physical health issues involved. At this time, more than any other, she needs for you to be sensitive and warm and understanding. Hopefully you can find an MD in your area who will also want to consult with you as a couple. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

Pain during intercourse in NEVER ok. There are several things to consider here. First - her arousal level. Are you spending time prior to intercourse helping her to get aroused? As I am sure you are aware, women and men get aroused at different paces. She needs to be fully aroused before you begin intercourse. Secondly, you need to stop whatever you are doing the second that she begins to experience pain. No argument, questioning or anything - just stop. Thirdly, go slow. Take your time, enjoy your time together. If this particular time does not lead to intercourse, accept this and enjoy just being with her. Hold her, tell her how you feel.
- Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

It sounds like your girlfriend may have vaginismus which is a term used to describe painful penetration. Women with vaginismus will involuntarily contract their vaginal muscles whenever penetration is about to happen. Treatment for vaginismus has a very high success rate and involves undertaking an exercise program in which the women practices contracting and relaxing the muscles in her thighs and pelvis, and inserts progressively larger dildos in her vagina over the course of several months. The process is one of relearning conscious control over voluntary muscles. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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