Hi, I'm a 33 year old male and happily married to my 33 year old wife. I guess for about a few years our sex relationship hasn't been the greats. I have tried to talk to her about it. Lately, it seems to me that when we have sex there is no lust or passion on her part. Meaning, she just has sex with me so I will not complain about having no sex for a while. Today, I told her how I feel and that it was hurting our sex relationship. I asked her again what is going on and she stated to me a couple of things that happened to her when she was 7 years old. She also told me that she is embarrassed to do sexual things to me, where at the beginning of our relationship, it wasn't a problem. After doing some exploring on the Internet, I think she has something called ISD (Inhibited Sexual Desire). I believe she needs a sex therapist but in our area there is no ABS Board Certified Sex Therapist. If you could give me some information or help, please let me know. Thank you. New Mexico area.

You bring up a particularly difficult issue. I am guessing but from what you present it appears that she has experienced childhood sexual trauma. This will need to be dealt with before any movement could occur in your sex life with her. I am not saying that this is all her. You have involvement here also. One thing that needs to happen immediately is that she should stop doing what she does not want to do. Sex is about expression of feelings,  and if any person is simply "going along" they are not expressing feelings and the desire to continue will cease. I hear that there are no sex therapists in your area, yet in the case that you describe, her dealing with the early sexual trauma first is essential. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

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