I believe that I have a low sex drive. My husband desires sex more frequently than I do. I am usually interested before & after my cycle. Other than that I am usually ready to go to sleep. I work full time and have a 3 year old. Is there something I can do to improve my drive? My spouse is EXTREMELY frustrated. I do love him and don't have a problem with arousal or sex itself, but in my mind, it's more of a chore sometimes.

When the body is tired, it is difficult, if not impossible, to have the desire for sexual intercourse. Do not be so hard on yourself. Working full-time and taking care of a three-year old is like likely to drain anyone. Eating a well-balanced diet and getting enough exercise would help your energy levels. Also, on those days when you are not "in the mood" but your husband is "extremely frustrated", how about helping him out with oral sex or by masturbating him. This takes less energy, and I'm certain he would not complain. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com

"Habit is the annihilator and the anesthetic of happiness". Sounds as if you guys have gotten into the habit of making love during the North American Mating Hour, after the news is off, kids in bed, cat put out and lunches packed....we're in bed and haven't made love lately....might as well do it. CURE....be more spontaneous in lovemaking...timing, location....bedroom for nothing but whoopee, no work, books, etc., just sleep or enjoying sex together. Try to get back in touch with slow, erotic foreplay and make lovemaking a high priority. Communicate with each other about erotic turn-ons and warm up during the day....versus flipping the turn on switch when you go to bed and are tired. Check out other suggestions under the heading "discrepancy in desire". ENJOY ! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

Desire discrepancies are not uncommon. Besides, it sounds like you have a full plate working a full time job and raising a 3 year old. It is understandable sex occurs as more of a chore sometimes. I recommend you and your husband find alternative ways of pleasure. Sex does not have to be about intercourse. There are other ways to enjoy each other sexually. Mutual masturbation or he can masturbate while you lie next to him and touch his body. These activities can act as a way to increase the frequency of sex. In addition, sex needs to become more of a priority. Many couples get stuck in the routine of having sex at the end of the day. This sets it up to have each person be tired. I suggest you incorporate sex at different times during the day. Maybe you can have sex before or after dinner. Be creative and get out of the routine of sex right before you go to bed. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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