My wife of 20 years is extremely shy about oral sex. We have had a long talk about it and there isn't any real reason for her "fear" of it. She is actually wanting to learn now after all this time. What is the best way I can help "teach" her and make her comfortable with this?

Communication is the key. You will need to discuss what feels good to you and how you want her to do it. There are some wonderful “How to” videos on the market that you can utilize for tips and techniques. Take your time and make sure to check in with her. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

Incrementally....one baby step at a time. A popsicle broken in half is a good way to start. Talk her through this as if you were telling her what to do with your penis in her mouth. A banana may be an alternative to the popsicle. There are several good videos on this subject and there is always the good ole XXX movie. It might be a good time for you to get her to show you what she really likes too. On your part, don't grab her ears or head, be cautious re: hygiene and don't demand that she swallow. This could be causing her concerns. She can slowly explore depth of penetration that she is comfortable with. Hopefully, when she sees and hears your pleasure you can reinforce her behavior with something special for her! Bon appetit! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

I'm glad you and your wife had a talk about this issue. It is important that she, without any pressure from anyone else, is the one who wants to learn more about oral sex. First of all, besides the Victorian guilt and shame associated with "going down" on someone, there are other possible deterrents which need to be dealt with. Some women complain that oral sex is "dirty" or that it tastes and smells bad, while others do not like the pubic hair which may get stuck to their tongue. Yet others fear that the semen is unhealthy. To eradicate these complaints, before your lovemaking sessions, you could have a shower, paying special attention to washing your genitals thoroughly. You could also apply some tasty lubricant gel or cream to avoid any smell. Perhaps you could shave or at least trim your pubic hair. Though semen contains water, fructose, minerals and protein, and is not unhealthy (provided the male does not have a vital infection), comfort your wife by telling her that you will not ejaculate in her mouth. Now that's taken care of, there are some behavioral techniques which your wife could use. Essentially, you want to help your partner to gradually feel progressively more comfortable with your penis. The first couple of sessions she could hold and examine in detail how your penis looks. The next sessions, she could kiss it all over. This would lead to licking in the next sessions. If she is still comfortable with the pace, and if no recognizable conflicts should arise, then she could insert the head of the penis in the following sessions. Remember that during this process, your wife will require validation from you. As she begins to see that you are enjoying what she is doing, she will gain the confidence to experiment more. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com.


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