I am a twenty-seven year old who is married but find the sex boring and feel like it is a mandatory thing for me to do. How can I make myself want to make love again with my husband instead of feeling like I have to?

Try making out a lovemaking menu. Decide what you would like for an appetizer, main course, and then dessert. Get him to do the same. Play director. You get to be director of your very own XXX porn flick. Talk your hubby through this. Then he gets to do his. Make a date to check into a motel for the weekend that has in-room hot tubs or Jacuzzis. As things mellow in the tub, gently ask for specific behaviors on his part that you would like, or move his hand or whatever as you like it. I always recommend to my clients that I would like for them to touch or caress each other in a very personal, intimate way at least once a day. It's kind of like keeping the pilot light going. If all else fails, try a session or two with a good sex therapist.
- Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. Many people have problems keeping sex exciting. It becomes a chore, something you have to do instead of something you want to do. Sex can become routine or boring after a couple has been together for a period of time. The key to making sex exciting is to use your biggest sex organ your brain. Identify the things that turn you on. Whether it be positions, locations, images, stories, clothing, scent, etc. Find out what you find arousing. Give yourself permission to indulge in your desires and fantasies. Discover the many ways to make physical intimacy an anticipated pleasure for both of you.
- Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

Your question, "...make love again with my husband..." is very revealing. It suggests that at one time you did enjoy sex with your husband. So what happened? Apparently something went awry in the course of your marriage and your sexual relationship in particular. Making love is similar to dancing. Each party must learn how to dance with a partner; it takes practice. And you must be innovative, experimenting with new steps. However, if there is a problem in the relationship, there isn't going to be much motivation to be adventurous and exploratory. So the first step is explore the nature of your relationship. Is the marriage going stale because there is little effort being expended on one or both your parts to keep the romance alive in the relationship? Are you taking each other for granted? Sexual excitement in a marriage is about what happens outside of the bedroom as well as inside the bedroom.
- Answer provided by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach, www.docdreyfus.com, ead@docdreyfus.com


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