I have a kind of embarrassing problem. Sometimes when I masturbate my mind wanders and random people pop in my head, sometimes family members. After, I am ashamed that this happened. I don't think I can face these people. I feel terrible and disgusting. Is this a normal thing?

Fantasizing while we masturbate is a "normal" expression of our sexuality. Sometimes people we know and are attracted to "pop" into our consciousness. And sometimes these people just happen to be family members, whom we consider inappropriate or even taboo to consider in a sexual manner. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong in fantasizing, whether conscious or unconscious, just as long as you do not act upon your fantasies. This is not uncommon, so do not beat yourself up over this "normal" situation. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com.

What we do in our minds to heighten arousal is as varied and unique as the many facets of snowflakes. Sometimes our fantasies can scare us, make us wonder about our sanity, or simply lead to enormous guilt. We need to remember that for most of us, fantasy is only fantasy . . . it does NOT mean that we necessarily want to or will act on whatever we are imagining in our "sex-charged" brain. It might be helpful for you to examine your guilty feelings for some other "messages" about masturbating that you haven't completely resolved. You CAN face your family members; they have NO idea what you sometimes think about, and as long as you have absolutely no intention of acting on your fantasies, they nor you have anything to fear. Be kind to yourself! - Answer provided by Linda Newharet Lotz, MSW, PhD, Swansong51@aol.com

I often tell the couples I work with that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about other people while you are being intimate with yourself or your partner. The brain is your biggest sex organ and is the key to an awesome sex life. Most everybody has sexual fantasies and many people are embarrassed by them. It is completely normal for you to have these fantasies. Just because you have a fantasy of family members does not mean you want it to happen in reality. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.


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