The past couple of years I have had some extreme bisexual fantasies that I have yet to act upon. Should I share this new view with my fiancé of four years? I think he might want to join in but don't want to risk losing him either.

Though it is true that your fantasies are your personal domain, it is also true that a long-term, trusting relationship is built on sharing, and thereby getting to know each other as a result of it. Knowing how your fiancé feels about your desires now, before you get married, is probably a good idea. Whether he participates or not, remember that this is your fantasy, not his. So do not pressure him about having to fulfill your desire. If he is game, fair enough, but if he does not share your passion, you know where you stand before you marry him. As a side note, remember that sometimes fantasies are meant to stay as fantasies; acting them out sometimes spoils the magic. - Answer provided by Faizal Sahukhan, Ph.D., A.C.S., R.P.C., AASECT, drfaizal@multiculturalromance.com, www.multiculturalromance.com.

At this point in your relationship, I would not recommend sharing your fantasy with your fiancé. Same gender curiosity, I feel, is not the same as bi-sexuality. I would venture to guess that the majority of us would love to experience what it feels like to make love to self. Your fantasy is about you and another – not about you, another and your fiancé. So there would be no reason to include him in the encounter. Let’s look at the fantasy a bit deeper. Do you have someone particular in mind to make love with? Does the fantasy arise when you are self-pleasuring? Are you attracted to lots of women? Whatever the case may be, if you decide to make your fantasy a reality, do it with great care and allow the experience to unfold. Pick someone to share the experience with that you trust and care about – not just someone you have picked up in a bar. If you decide that you enjoy being gender-neutral in your love making, once you have experienced it alone, then you should let your man in on the new side of his goddess. He may very well enjoy it – as long as he is not left out. If you ever watched Friends, remember the dilemma Ross was in when his wife tried to include him in her encounter with another woman. He was thrilled – but felt totally left out. Threesomes can be very tricky. They feel good in fantasyland – but in reality they can take on some different energies. - Answer provided by EveLynn Maurine, CSB, info@sacred-haven.org, www.sacred-haven.org, www.awakeningbody.com.

Anytime you introduce a third party into a relationship, it can create some tension and mixed feelings. The most important thing you can do is “Talk like Adults” about it. What I mean by that is to be very clear on your intentions and ask your partner if it is ok with him. Both of you will then need to set clear boundaries and guidelines and if one you is not ok with something, both have to stop. This can be a highly enjoyable encounter for both parties if the ground rules are followed. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.


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