I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months, but he can't get me to orgasm using both finger and oral stimulation. I do masturbate and I can climax every time I do, but he can't get me to. Is it because I masturbate too much that he can't? Any help and suggestions would be fantastic.

There may be relationship issues. Are you comfortable with him sexually? There are lots of things you can try, like you on your back on the edge of a bed and your partner standing and inserting his penis. You/he can manually (or use a vibrator) stimulate you while his penis is inside. You can do the same while straddling him from above. You may also want to try to talk him through oral or manual stimulation techniques that you prefer. Maybe even show him how you masturbate. Are you receiving enough foreplay? Stay in touch and good success! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

You may be more comfortable masturbating by yourself than with a partner. And you know how to masturbate yourself better than anyone else in the world. So you have to teach your boyfriend how to do it for you. And this requires that both of you are comfortable talking about sex in general. Once you are comfortable with one another, you can start showing him and telling what you like and how you like it. You can put his hand on yours as you masturbate, teaching him how to move and where to touch. Gradually you can put your hand on top of his guiding him. With regard to oral sex, again you have to be able to teach your boyfriend what you like, where to lick, how hard, how fast, etc. As you can see, it takes a great deal of trust and comfort to do this. And your boyfriend has to be willing to learn, without developing an "attitude" about it. Some men think they are supposed to know everything about sex. Sex is a lot like ballroom dancing. One can dance alone quite well, but when it comes to dancing with a partner it takes a lot of practice and a lot of communication.
- Answer provided by Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach, www.docdreyfus.com, ead@docdreyfus.com

Sometimes it takes a while for two people to get used to each other's bodies when being intimate. You say you have been going out six months, but I am not sure how long you have been sexually intimate; it may take a little time before the two of you get more comfortable with each other both physically and emotionally. Without feeling secure and relaxed, it is difficult to orgasm. There are some things you can do in the meantime. Think about how you masturbate (the techniques, amount of pressure, type of motion with your fingers) and note the differences between your style and his when he masturbates you. Guide him either physically or verbally so that he is touching you in the way you like best. Note how much time you take when you are by yourself. Maybe the two of you are rushing things a bit. You could also try using a vibrator together. Also, sometimes people in your situation (and there are many) get caught in a double-bind. You try so hard to orgasm that you cause stress which makes it difficult to orgasm, which makes you try harder, which makes it more difficult! Try to make pleasure and enjoyment the focus instead of orgasm. Taking your mind off of it may be what you need to achieve it. - Answer provided by L. Kris Gowen, PhD, EdM, drlkg@yahoo.com.

It’s unlikely how much you masturbate is what’s keeping you from having orgasms with your boyfriend. Have you shown him how you get yourself off? Is your communication open enough that you can guide him during the process? When he follows your directions do you orgasm? If you can’t tell, show, or guide him, it may be how the two of you communicate. If you’re still not having orgasms when he does exactly what you do, the issue may be with intimacy and trust. Ask yourself what it would mean to you and your relationship if you were able to have an orgasm with him. Consult a sex therapist for help with both issues. - Answer provided by Jenny Friend, MFT, Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, JennyFriendMFT@sbcglobal.net, www.CenterForClarity.org.

The type of stimulation you provide yourself will be different than the stimulation your boyfriend can provide. I recommend you show your boyfriend how you want him to touch you. Demonstrate to him how you masturbate so he can model your method. In addition you need to communicate to your boyfriend how you want him to touch and lick you. Tell him if you want it faster, slower, harder or softer. Let him know what is working for you and what is not. Use a "that feels good and this would feel better" technique. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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