My husband and I have been married for two years. I hadn't had sex or masturbated before marriage so it took us many months of practice and trying different things for me to achieve arousal. Now through oral sex I am easily aroused and often very intensely. However, only once over the last 2 years have I reached climax and felt a release. That was probably almost a year ago. I continue to desire oral sex and I feel very aroused and my body gets very tense, but I just never feel a release. I'm very frustrated and my husband really wants to help, but I often feel unfulfilled and my clitoris is very uncomfortable after we stop. Do we need to spend more time or try something different, or is this more of a mental block on my part.

One possible approach would be for you to "learn" how to be orgasmic on your own. Buy a quality (not some battery driven el-cheapo) vibrator and experiment with this intense form of stimulation. Make sure that you are in a comfortable setting and are assured of privacy. As you start getting comfortable with what it takes to achieve orgasm for you, gradually incorporate your husband into using your new toy and move on from there. You might want to enjoy my-turn, your-turn lovemaking as an alternative for a while. He may learn to enjoy vibes from the vibrator too and hopefully look forward to playing with your new toy and your orgasms! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

"Mental block" is not unlikely, given what is described as your introduction to sex. So part of what needs to happen is to learn to think differently. The other part is practice. I would really urge a person in this position to self stimulate a lot until you are able to achieve orgasm. I did write "until" but I did not mean by that to stop self stimulation once orgasm is achieved. Self stimulation is an important part of life that needs to be continued. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

What you are experiencing happens to many women. You may need more consistent stimulation. You could try masturbating or the use of a vibrator to increase the stimulation. I recommend the Hitachi wand or accuvibe massager. It is an external vibrator used on the clitoral area and your vulva. Give it a try. In addition, get in touch with your fantasies and try fantasizing while being stimulated. Your mind is your biggest sex organ. It is important to use it. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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