I want to find out how to manually stimulate my partner who is on the threshold of having ED (or is already there). I have had some success in getting him to ejaculate (dirty talk, stimulating the frenulum, masturbating, anal stimulation, etc.), but I want some more ideas of what/how to do it with manual manipulation only. I am finding that it is like learning to manipulate a female clitoris!! Is there a book or guide on "How To..."? Everything I'm reading is for an erect penis or suggesting drugs for your partner.

It is important that you are interested in "manually stimulating" your partner. Half of the battle is already won. In terms of what to do? I suggest that you ask him. It is very important that you listen, really listen to what he says. You will need to make it "safe" for him to talk with you. This tends to be the battle - getting him to share what he really wants. The important issue here is that you are open. What would also be important for you is to understand that ED is not about you. You can impact it, but it is not about you. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

The tough part of what you guys are trying to accomplish is actually not focusing so much on the "how too" but to actually slow things down and take the pressure of performance out of the equation. Start at the beginning with mutual pleasuring and really focusing on experiencing the general closeness and good feelings you both share. As this progresses, you can explore different ways to create excitement and yet no demands for performance. Just explore your partner and ask - does this feel good to you? He can tell you how to make him feel good. - Answer provided by Alan L. Marcus, Ph.D., AASECT Certified, drmarcus@tmail.com, www.gpatherapy.com.

Men are capable of having an orgasm without having an erect penis and it sounds like you are doing many of the techniques likely to produce an orgasm for your mate. I suggest you talk with him about what he likes and enjoys. Ask him to demonstrate and model the pressure and rhythm he would use when masturbating. In addition, ask him to visualize one of his fantasies. That would increase the likelihood of him having an orgasm. - Answer provided by Jason S. Quintal, Ph.D., MSW, LCSW, DrJ@RelationshipSpecialties.com, www.RelationshipSpecialties.com.

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