I'm 21 and I have a small penis. It's about 4 inches long when hard. I'm scared to have sex because I'm a virgin and the 4 inches is embarrassing. I think women will laugh at me. Please help me.

There are no words that can take away the embarrassment of a small penis. All that I can say is that what is lacking in size can more than be made up in quality. I have had several men in my practice who have "small" penises. They then learn how to be great lovers. They learn to pay attention to their partners needs as well as their own. When a partner feels paid attention to, it seems to more than made-up for a small penis. - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

Sex is more than sexual intercourse!!!! I sure hope that you are not planning on having sexual intercourse with someone who will laugh at you for any
reason! Performance anxiety (or any other anxiety) is a killer for sexual intimacy with anyone. It's like a big bucket of ice water. You have to find someone who cherishes you for who/what you are, not someone with a tape measure. Most women require direct stimulation of the clitoral region in order to be orgasmic. This can be done with other parts of your body. I work with clients each week who are unable to have an erection and still go on to have very rich, fulfilling sex lives. Relax and enjoy, when it's time! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

So it does seem that your penis size falls in the "small" range according to various studies and I can understand that you may feel embarrassed especially given the way our society tends to connect masculinity and desirability to the size of one's penis. And I will not lie…there are some women who will say "size matters"…however, this is not ALL women. In fact, ask a woman what she wants most in a partner I'll bet the word penis won't be mentioned. What you will hear are things like "some one who listens", "someone who shares similar interests", "someone who can communicate". My recommendation for you is to start getting involved in activities that you enjoy and that will put you around like-minded women. Start slow by getting to know someone, dating, spending quality time together. There are many women who would appreciate a man who has a desire to get to know them, rather than getting them in bed quickly. When you find someone you trust and feel a connection to the sexual relationship will evolve naturally. - Answer provided by Lynne Angela Santiago, LMHC, lynne@lynnesantiagolmhc.com, www.lynnesantiagolmhc.com.

Focus on your strengths. First, you obviously are careful and selective in the timing of your first intercourse. Many women will be pleased that you haven’t “slept around.” Second, be sure to develop a loving nurturing relationship with your partner before you move toward intercourse. Third, focus on pleasuring your partner via oral sex. If she is pleased with your sexual values, enjoys a love relationship, and enjoys the pleasure you give her orally, your penis size will be irrelevant. - Answer provided by David Knox, Ph.D., davidknox2@yahoo.com, www.heartchoice.com.

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