My wife and I, both in our early 20's and only ever with each other, have been using a "your turn-my turn" sexual method since we became active. She responds only to a clitoral vibrator and is uncomfortable with manual or oral stimulation. The difficulty arises in that by the time she finishes, I am physically unaroused and once I get going again, she is both emotionally and physically disinterested (she gets a bit dry and I sometimes can't seem to stay inside her). I would like to know if there are techniques or changes we can make to be more in synch with one another. So far it has not been an issue between us, but I like to nip these things in the bud, so to speak.

There's the possibility of her stimulating you too while she is enjoying the good vibes. Oral or manual, or even with a vibrator. My turn/your turn does not have to be my turn until I ejaculate or have an orgasm. The build-up (physical and mental) of stop and go lovemaking can lead to explosive orgasms for both of you. Good success! - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

This could get boring pretty fast! I think there are some important basics to remember…first, woman need more foreplay to reach a level of arousal that makes clitoral stimulation (whether manual or oral) comfortable. The clitoris is highly sensitive and unless there is adequate arousal and lubrication, direct stimulation can be even painful. Put the vibrator aside and try just spending time caressing, stroking, licking her body, her arms, neck, hips, inner thighs. Spend some time softly caressing her breasts and nipples. This produces hormones that enhance arousal. Lightly touch and stroke the outer and inner labia. For most woman, simulation of the vagina is the least stimulating, so try limiting your focus there. Ask her to do the same to you--that is, caressing and stroking other parts of your body and not rushing to get to your penis. Think about sex as a journey to be enjoyed, the destination (orgasm) is not the goal. I bet when you go on vacation you are not thinking about getting home, rather, you are trying to enjoy each day as fully as you can. So it is with sex!
- Answer provided by Lynne Angela Santiago, LMHC, lynne@lynnesantiagolmhc.com, www.lynnesantiagolmhc.com.

Try masturbating while she is using the vibrator to get herself off. Pace yourself so that you stay aroused but not to the point of orgasm. Once she has an orgasm, you will be ready to penetrate and it should not take you too long. Do put on Astroglide or some lubricant prior to penetration. - Answer provided by David Knox, Ph.D., davidknox2@yahoo.com, www.heartchoice.com.

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