Is it crossing the line between right and wrong to set up my wife to have sex with another guy. She is the one who originally brought up the fantasy and she loves to tease. While in the bedroom she says she would do it if this or that happens and I am thinking of making those situations arise?

You have to think about outcomes and motives for this behavior. In 35 years as a sex therapist I have never known this behavior to result in a positive outcome. Please find a safer walk on the wild side within the structure and the constraints of a sexually monogamous relationship. You may want to talk with your wife about what she expects to gain from this experience and do the same for yourself. Hopefully, you can then explore whatever is "missing" within your marital union and react accordingly. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

First, let me say that its a wonderful thing that the 2 of you are able to share your fantasies with each other. Talking about fantasies can be really exciting. However, the decision to make them a reality needs a follow up conversation. The reason this is needed is that sometimes a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. This conversation should occur when you are not in the throws of passion. Issues of trust, safety, permission and understanding of the limits need to be discussed. Once the expectations and boundaries are clear and an understanding of what is desired is met, have at it. - Answer provided by Alan L. Marcus, Ph.D., AASECT Certified, drmarcus@tmail.com, www.gpatherapy.com.

I don't think you are asking the right question, or the right person. I think the question is what might this do to your marriage if you introduce another man into your bed. Having a fantasy and acting it out are two very different things. For example, rape fantasies are common for women, but I've never met a woman who actually wanted to be raped. Whatever you do, don't set this up as a surprise because you might be finding yourself sleeping with Fido that night. - Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

As long as all adults are consenting and everyone knows the rules, you are not crossing the line. I do suggest that you and your wife establish some guidelines about sex with people outside your marriage. You both need to be clear about what is and is not acceptable to each of you. - Answer provided by Steven Davidson, LCSW, stevendavidson@comcast.net, www.nashvillepsychotherapy.com.
 

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