My girlfriend and I have been having sex for 6 months now. During this period, I seem to have difficulty ejaculating. We both went to see a sexologist and he asked me if I masturbate frequently and I said yes. He suggested that if I stop immediately that ejaculation would come naturally when having sex. About 2 days ago my girlfriend and I had sex and I STILL couldn't ejaculate. I don't know what else to do and it's frustrating me and her to no end. So, I'm turning to you hoping that you could perhaps provide me with an answer. PLEASE HELP!!

I assume when you say "ejaculate" you mean have an orgasm, because some men can have an orgasm without ejaculating. I think the key word here is "frustration." You need to relax! I don't know if stopping masturbation will "instantly" help you to ejaculate. The reasons that a man cannot have an orgasm during intercourse are varied. I'd definitely stop worrying, though, and see if your body won't just return to normal function on its own. Give it several weeks and if there is no change, consult a sex therapist who can help you unroot the cause of the symptom. - Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

I strongly suggest that you get a thorough urological evaluation just to make sure that physically all is A-OK. At this point you may want to schedule time with your partner when you can both relax and experiment with stimulating each other in various ways without any goals or pressure to perform or the possibility of interruptions. The law of diminishing returns may be involved here. The more you put into "it" the less you get out of "it". Play, relax, and enjoy each others bodies with no expectations other than pure pleasure. When you see your MD be sure to check out side-effects of any drugs (prescription or otherwise). Zoloft is notorious for creating ejaculatory issues in men, but is a popular highly effective medication.
- Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

You don't mention whether you've ever had this problem before or whether you are also unable to ejaculate when you masturbate. One possible cause of inability to ejaculate is something called "retrograde ejaculation". When this happens, the semen goes up into a man's bladder instead of going out through his urethra during ejaculation. One of the causes of this may be a weakness of the muscle that closes off the bladder during ejaculation. It is very important that you see a urologist to check on this. Some medications or drugs can also cause this, so it's important, if you are taking medications or using drugs, to speak with a physician or pharmacist about this possible effect. Assuming that there are no physical or medication problems, another cause of difficulty with ejaculating is stress related. If you only have difficulty with ejaculating when you are being sexual with your girlfriend, I encourage you to slow down. Enjoy extended foreplay. Breathe slowly and deeply using your abdominal muscles to gently pull the air in and push it out. Relax and have the goal of enjoying your time with your partner, using all your senses rather than focusing on orgasm or ejaculation. Enjoy the time you spend together, and the pleasurable sensations of touch. Massage each other. Remember that sensuality involves our entire body and is not limited to genital experience. Speaking of stress, how do you actually feel about your girlfriend and this relationship? Are there things that need to be worked out? Are you happy? Scared? Angry? Do you feel comfortable? If not, what would be better? Sometimes when we are out of sync with our deeper feelings, our bodies let us know. Take care! - Answer provided by Jacqueline Richard, Psy.D., LMFT, ASSECT Certified Sex Therapist, Jrichardpsyd@aol.com, www.JacquelineRichardPsyD.com.

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