I always have an orgasm very quickly when I masturbate but I can never have an orgasm with a partner. I've tried receiving oral sex, being manually stimulated and having sex but none of it works. What can I do to help this situation?

You are doing or feeling something to block your intimacy with a partner. Could it be that you are simply having sex for the sake of sex? Is your mind cluttered with issues and anxieties that prevent you from relaxing? Do you feel insecure about your genitals? How they look? How they smell? How they taste? Are you actively participating in helping your partner understand what feels good to you? These are all possible reasons why. Communication with your partner is the first thing that should happen. Most partners want to be a catalyzing factor for their partner’s pleasure. So ask for support and if you still are having some problems, seek the help of someone who can help you through this, or perhaps consider attending a Tantra or sacred sexuality workshop where you will be supported in your quest to be orgasmic with a partner. - Answer provided by EveLynn Maurine, CSB, evelynn@sacred-haven.org, www.awakeningbody.com.

Sounds frustrating! You may have performance anxiety, feeling inhibited if someone is watching you. You may also be "spectatoring," which is more like watching and critiquing your own performance. Or, you may just think that people look funny or weird when they have an orgasm and feel self-conscious about that, yourself. Next time you are with a partner try to see what kinds of thoughts you are having about your situation. You can even jot them down after your encounter. Then see if you can make your negative thoughts into positive ones. So instead of, "I look like a chimpanzee when I have an orgasm," you might think, "Having someone watch me orgasm is so erotic and such a turn on." Good question, and have fun!
- Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

The first thing that comes to mind is a possible combination of manual stimulation and sexual intercourse or cunnilingus. Recline on a bed with your partner standing/kneeling between your legs. As he thrusts or licks, you can stimulate yourself with either both hands, or even include the use of a vibrator. If the issue is having someone on top of you or "just too close", this can offer a feeling of being free to enjoy yourself. If the issue is just having someone else there and a part of your sexual enjoyment, this becomes more complex and a therapy issue. We wish you well. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.
 

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