Is it normal for a married man to masturbate and ignore his wife?

It's normal for a married man to masturbate. It is not normal for him to ignore his wife. In fact, married people are said to masturbate more often than singles because they become used to being sexually gratified. If you think that a man is using masturbation as a substitute for intimate sex, it's time to have a sit-down and find out why. - Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

There are several possible ways of viewing this. There may be a discrepancy in libido or he may just enjoy "not being an organ donor". He may desire to have some control over how often he enjoys sexual pleasure. I'm not sure what you mean when you say "ignore his wife". It may be time for you two to talk openly about sexual needs and concerns. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

First, let go of that word, "normal". It'll only come back to bite you later on. What really matters is what is normal or natural for you as an individual, and for you as a couple. Now your question is loaded. Why? Because inside it is a buried treasure trove of unexpressed emotions, such as anger, resentment and fear. I suggest that before you learn anything more, you and your husband, if this is the wife asking, or you if you are the hubby who is preferring JO rather than the human element, think about why is he ignoring her? Is it unexpressed disappointment, anger or lack of interest? These are all very different things, some related to sheer sex and some related to the relationship itself, or the context. I often suggest to my couples who are my sex coaching clients that if he has lost the urge or zest for sex, that he pleasure himself with his own hand, sort of a priming of the pump. Then, again, if she is not available or willing to be sexual with him, masturbation is a serious and valid sexual outlet; and it forms the foundation for all partner sex, sort of the practice room for the real thing, if shared sex is your goal. I sense that a good sex coaching session or series (short term) would help unearth what's troubling both of you and help you both to recoup your lost libido and shared pleasures. Until then, honor yourselves and each other. - Answer provided by Patti Britton, Ph.D., Nationally board certified clinical sexologist and sex coach, AASECT President, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, ACS, ABS, FAACS, Faculty CGI, drpattixox@aol.com,
www.yoursexcoach.com

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