I have a question about masturbation. It seems like I respond best to very firm pressure on my clitoris. Sometimes it is hard to reach orgasm when touching myself and when I do it takes a good amount of time (more than 20-30 minutes). I have yet to climax with my new boyfriend, and he seems surprised at the amount of pressure I seem to need and a little discouraged by the amount of time it takes. Any advice? Is this normal to need strong pressure if it doesn't hurt?

Nothing sounds abnormal about what you describe. Some women just need or like more pressure than do others. Some women climax in a few minutes, others take longer than you do. One suggestion I would make is to try various sex toys to increase stimulation. You could try, say, a Hitachi magic wand massager which has a strong motor. You could use that for a bit, then switch to manual stimulation and see if you have a quicker climax. You might also want to try a "heightener". Arkadia makes a nice mint-flavored heightener that stimulates blood flow to the clitoris. Zestra makes another one. There are others, but use a reputable company so that you aren't putting something in your genital area that could cause a problem like a yeast infection. Another thought is that you might be low on testosterone, since this can cause a decrease in sensation. You could pursue this with the help of an endocrinologist (hormone doctor). Last but not least, don't fret, obsess, or worry about it because that's only going to make it more difficult to have an orgasm. If you are getting hyper-focused or think that you need to learn how better to relax and enjoy, try talking to a sex therapist. - Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

My strongest recommendation is that you see a female ob-gyn and discuss this issue with her. It could be physiological or it could be related to levels of foreplay and/or relaxation before sex. It could be trust and comfort issues, etc. You may want to experiment with a quality vibrator. The intense stimulation may be pleasurable for you and lessen your anxiety. As always, a few visits with a board certified sex therapist should be a big help to you. - Answer provided by Tim Britton, Ph.D., AASECT, ABS, timbritton@yahoo.com.

You are doing what you do naturally, which is needing more time and greater pressure. Don't fight it. I think that an honest talk with your bf might help to quell his anxieties and your sense of what I perceive to be shame. I suggest that maybe you try a power tool, such as Hitachi Wands, Natural Contours, even some of the fun toys on the market that are made of high grade silicone in silly shapes, sizes and colors; or even an Eroscillator wand, guaranteed to make a woman reach orgasm or your money back. Using a sexual aid, a vibrator, may help you to reach the big O faster and with more ease and intensity. Then, again, the feeling of fingers on that delicate yet strong part of you may be what you want. If so, encourage your partner to do what it is that you want AND need.....longer lasting, more pressure, harder and so on. Talk him through the act. Or better yet show him how you do it best for yourself, even if it's a little tough to get yourself there. Do it. And finally, 20-30 minutes to reach a manually induced orgasm is not that unusual. Maybe if you chat it up with other women your age and with a sexually open attitude, you'll find the company of like-minded women to soothe, empower and validate you. Like I just did, too! If you need one on one, feel free to contact me. I find that sex coaching to orgasm for women can be very effective using telephone coaching techniques. Until then, all the best. - Answer provided by Patti Britton, Ph.D., Nationally board certified clinical sexologist and sex coach, AASECT President, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, ACS, ABS, FAACS, Faculty CGI, drpattixox@aol.com,
www.yoursexcoach.com

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