I am 24 year old woman and can only have an orgasm if I masturbate when there is pornography. I cannot come if I masturbate without porn or if I have sex with my boyfriend. I have been dating a guy for five months and I haven't achieved an orgasm with him. Please help me so that I can have a satisfying sex life with my boyfriend.

You are defining a sexual paraphilia, not uncommon, nor unusual and can best be addressed with a clinical sexologist. The work would be expected to alter your perception of pleasure by relying on an alternate stimulus, assuming that you find your particular stimulus inconvenient. Of course you realize that you can introduce your preference of stimulus to the boyfriend and probably turn his world upside down regarding what both of you have been missing. On the other hand, maybe you want not to share your secret (which I suspect). CAUTION: If you decide to share the secret and introduce the porn into your love life with the boyfriend you risk reinforcing the paraphilia. In the end, correction is not terribly complicated. You're not inventing the rocket ship, just re-wiring it. - Answer provided by Stephen Craig Heelan, M.S., R.M.H.C.I Diplomate American Board of Sexology Practicing Forensic Sexology
Forensic Court Services, defray7600@mypacks.net, www.genesisforensicgroup.com.

Some men and women require visual stimulation in order to achieve arousal. That's perfectly fine! I would talk to him and let him know that you enjoy adult movies. See if he is game for an adult movie night with you. Many men find this a major turn-on. Then, you can masturbate or let him please you while the movie is rolling. If that doesn't work, you may want to consult with a sex therapist that can help you through. - Answer provided by Krista Bloom, Ph.D. Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, Drbloom@healingcouch.com, www.healingcouch.com.

From what I read I would suggest you include masturbation when you are being sexual with your boyfriend. Orgasm usually depends on feeling safe. Perhaps there is a lack of safety here or at least a feeling of lack of safety. I would really urge you to find safety.
 - Answer provided by Michael Gonzales, Ph.D., mfgonzal@speakeasy.net, www.upasoc.com.

Pornography can be extremely stimulating, hence its popularity. You've conditioned yourself to become aroused to images. Stop using the pornography, and when you are alone or with your boyfriend focus on the physical sensations, the emotional connection, and your own fantasies. Figure out what you need to become sexually aroused when you are with a partner -- toys, sexy talk, bubble baths, whatever. Be patient with yourself. If you are orgasmic under one circumstance, you can usually become orgasmic in another. - Answer provided by Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, drbuehler@cox.net, www.thebuehlerinstitute.com.

It might be helpful to start weaning yourself off of the pornography, so you can train yourself to be aroused by a new stimulus.  Also, it will be helpful to use your knowledge about how you achieve orgasm through masturbation to communicate to your boyfriend what arouses you.  Another alternative is attempting to view porn while you are having sex with your boyfriend to see if that works or fantasizing about the porn images while having sex.
- Answer provided by Parvonae Fernandez, M.A., Psy.D., southfloridasexpert@gmail.com, www.myspace.com/southfloridasexpert

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